The Backstage Raccoons
by BrotherRalph
Summary: The Raccoons are shown in a world where they are just actors playing their parts and we see them 'offscreen'. Displays the characters in the darker side of our own culture but nothing too extreme.
1. Meet the Cast

**The Backstage Raccoons Chapter 1**

Written by Brother Ralph

'Yikes!' Wildly riding a converted unicycle and with no steering control at all, Bert Raccoon sped down a rocky slope and into a small pond. Lifting his face from the water a frog jumped unceremoniously off of his head.

'Are you alright Bert?' Ralph asked anxiously from the bank.

'Of course I'm alright Ralph, er, just taking a solo ride is all.' Bert smiled and acted as though it was all intentional.

Running up to join Ralph on the bank, Melissa said seriously 'You know Bert I think we should have a little talk'.

'Talk? Nah, let's ride!' Bert cried still wanting to try out his invention a little more.

'What Melissa wants to talk about Bert is…our private time'. Ralph supported his wife's serious tone.

'Our Private time?' Bert asked 'But Ralph I love our private time! Why, I even love our private time when Melissa is with us too!' Bert joked with him causing Melissa to place her hands on her hips in an annoyed fashion.

'Oh I meant _our_ private time Bert' she said with frustration. Bert looked a little disappointed as he started to realise what his friends were saying. 'Well you said it yourself Bert. We eat together, we work together, we do everything together!' At this point Bert bowed his head with the sad realisation that the couple wanted to be alone for a while. But Melissa continued her speech with 'You're never on your own! Why if I didn't know better I'd think you were afraid to be by yourself!'

As soon as the words left her mouth they all knew this was the wrong way to handle Bert. He immediately perked up to defend himself. 'Afraid?! Me!? Bert Raccoon? Hah! Why I'm not afraid of anything! I even go to sleep without a night light! And let me tell you somethin' else, I don't need anybody! I can do just fine by myself thank you! I was just doing you guys a favour 'cause I thought you needed the company.'

'Oh Bert, I didn't mean it that way,' Melissa said, wishing she could take back her final sentence and glancing uncertainly at Ralph.

'I think I know pretty well how you meant it. And I think I know when my friends don't want me around!' he said and stormed off, tramping through the water and the weeds.

Behind him Ralph called 'Come on Bert! Let's be sensible!' but he took no notice and kept walking.

'CUT!' was shouted from behind the rows of cameras. The three Raccoons relaxed again. It had been an intense scene and Melissa had really wanted it to be perfect. As the director came over and stood in front of them he was silent.

She couldn't wait and the question they all wanted answered came bursting out of her 'How was it?'

'One word Melissa…..brilliant!' The three sighed out their relief that they wouldn't need to do the scene again.

'Oh I felt horrible with all those things I said to Bert. You're sure I didn't make it sound too harsh?' Melissa worried over the details. Her character had been played by another raccoon in the specials, and this was only the second episode she'd shot. As she hadn't had much of a speaking part in the first episode she really wanted this one to be spot on.

Bert came to stand behind her and placed a friendly paw on her shoulder. 'Hey, don't worry about it, I think I'll survive it.' He returned to drying himself off with the towel the crew had thrown him. Ralph had taken the opportunity to light up a pair of cigarettes and handed one to Bert.

'Cheers buddy.' He said giving him a playful nudge and then taking a drag.

At this point the new producer came to introduce himself to the team. He was a huge bear. 'Hello, everyone. I would just like to say I have been such a massive massive fan of you guys in the specials and I was thrilled when you got a series.'

The team tried not to laugh, or at least they tried to hide it. Ralph and Melissa raised their hands to cover their mouths and Bert tried to hide behind his friends ears. Even the director couldn't help smiling. It was just such an odd sight, that this producer was one of the biggest bears on the team and his voice was just so…..well…..camp!

'Now I know what you're laughing at and honestly you needn't hide it, laughter is healthy. Now, Melissa, darling you looked spectacular when you were angry. A real firecracker, you were a tiger…grrraaoow.' As he made the noise of a tiger he made a clawing motion with his hand that just completed the image and the director had to turn away pretending to study the scenery while his bobbing shoulders gave away his stifled laughs. 'Now if you'll just follow me I'll show you what I think our animators should do to 'improve' your images.' The giant bear said before striding off with his arms bent at the elbow and pointing upwards.

Ralph walked beside Melissa and whispered quietly to her as they followed the producer. 'Now he has got to be the gayest bear ever.'

Melissa gasped in feigned shock 'Really? I hadn't noticed. Don't be mean, he seems lovely.'

'Melissa, darling when have I ever been mean?' Ralph joked playfully putting on a camp accent.

'Seriously Ralph stop it,' she giggled 'He might only be bi, or even asexual.'

'Asexual?' Ralph asked 'You mean he breeds by splitting in half and becoming two?'

'No silly!' She laughed at his question. 'I mean he might just not be interested in anyone. Some people aren't you know.' Melissa had only spent a short time with Ralph so far, and him and Bert had known each other way back so she was the newcomer. But Ralph never failed to make her laugh and she genuinely loved working with him. They had already shot the bicycle ride scene and they had all agreed that the couple had a natural chemistry to make the relationship on screen more convincing than ever.

They all went silent as they listened to the new producer rattle on about airbrushing this or trimming that or adding light shades and dark shades. The three Raccoons passed the next half hour watching a master at work.

By the time he had finished, he had made them into more beautiful versions of themselves. Melissa had to admit that she wouldn't mind some of those changes to herself in real life.

But it was also the end of the day and people were packing up to leave. As they passed some of the crew one of the cameramen, a young meerkat called Simon, stopped and said.

'Bye Melissa.' in an uncertain voice.

It took her by surprise as she had barely spoken to him before, 'Oh, er, bye Simon.' As she spoke to him his face reddened and he smiled at the floor. Then he hurried off with the rest of the crew.

Bert sidled up to her. 'Looks like Simon's got a bit of a crush on you, gel! He's a nice lad Simon, bit shy though. Most meercats are like that, too used to being surrounded by family I guess. Just needs some confidence in his individuality is all.'

As the gang went into the cloakroom to get their coats and brave the cold evening air they bumped into Cedric and Cyril.

'Hey guys!' Cedric hailed them, 'we heard you took a great take for the opening scene. We just finished our scene in Cyril's office. Have you seen the kid playing the young Cyril Sneer in the flashbacks? He's the spitting image of pop!'

Cyril looked down at the floor and shook his head 'What chance is the poor lad going to stand in life?' he mocked himself willingly. On stage Cyril was the best villain the gang could have hoped for, but away from the cameras he was a witty and funny aardvark always willing to be the butt of a joke if it made people laugh.

The group smiled at his jest and then as they collected their coats Bert proposed that the group go out and do something tonight. 'Hey, I got a great idea! We can go to that new club on Walnut Street. It's the opening night, bound to be a good party.'

Melissa was about to say that she was a little tired and that parties really weren't her scene but when Ralph agreed to go she decided it might be fun. Anything to spend some time with the group, she was having a lot of fun getting to know them. Especially Ralph.

'Sorry,' Cedric said, 'But Sophia set me up on a blind date tonight. Maybe another time.'

'You want to come Cyril?' Ralph asked

'Me? Ha, well that's very kind of you Ralph but I'm a bit old for discos now. You young pups go have your fun but I'll be happier to get home, eat and sleep in front of the telly. See you tomorrow'.

The group said their goodbyes to them and went their separate ways.


	2. The Night Begins

**The Backstage Raccoons Chapter 2**

Written by Brother Ralph

Just half an hour later the three raccoons were waiting in a queue being let into the disco, which was blasting out dance music. It was a very cold night and their breath was hanging on the air despite the coats they all wore. Melissa began to shiver and stood a little closer to Ralph. She started exaggerating her shivering, secretly hoping that Ralph might notice and put an arm around her or something.

_Oh my God Melissa, what's come over you? Are you really that desperate? _She thought to herself silently.

'Hey, Melissa, you're shivering. Are you OK?' Ralph asked.

'Aww. Come give your buddy Bert a hug, I'll get you warm girl.' Bert said engulfing her in his arms.

'Thanks Bert' she said, hiding the disappointment but genuinely glad of his warmth. _Still_, she thought to herself, _you've got some good friends here._

The group infront of them were let in and as they moved out of the way the bouncer came into sight for the first time.

'Schaeffer! Hi! What are you doing here?' they asked in surprise.

'Oh, hi gang. I work here some nights.' He said 'It's a good second job. Me and the wife are saving for a nice little holiday home in Spain we spotted.'

Still holding Melissa Bert asked whether he could join them, but unfortunately he would be working the door all night. He let them in, jokingly warned them not to cause trouble, and said he'd see them soon. Once through the door Bert finally released Melissa, who had begun to feel a little claustrophobic.

'Bet you wish you were Schaeffer,' Bert said to her, 'He didn't even have a coat on; his fur alone is good enough!'

The group hung their coats on their chairs and sat around a circular table while Bert bounded off to the bar. When he came back he was carrying three pints of Fox Ale with the practised hand of someone who knows how to hold three brimming pint glasses without spilling a drop. Melissa wondered how fast that practised skill would deteriorate once drinking began.

Ralph shot him an annoyed look, 'Bert, you could have asked us what we wanted first!'

'But Ralph, Fox ale is our favourite!'

'No Bert, fox ale is _our_ favourite. Melissa may have wanted something else.'

Bert looked like he was going to quarrel until Melissa stepped in and said that fox ale would be fine for her. Bert sat down opposite Ralph with a victorious smile.

'Now Ralph, you know what you've got to do with the first pint.' Bert reminded him.

'We're not at college anymore Bert.'

'The rules still stand my friend. The faster the first one is out of the way the faster the fun begins.' With that Bert began to drain his ale. He took it all in one go.

Ralph watched with a nostalgic smile, remembering the fun the two of them had had in the past this way. When Bert eventually surfaced and placed the empty glass on the table he winked at Ralph.

'Don't worry if you can't match it any more, buddy. I know you haven't been drinking for a while.'

It was all the provocation Ralph needed to follow suit, draining his in a single go as well. Bert cheered him as the empty glass joined his on the table. But there was still one full glass on the table, and they both looked at Melissa.

'Wow, you two went drinking a lot in college?' she asked, trying to delay what she thought was coming.

'Only every night' Bert claimed with a hi-five to Ralph, though they all knew that was an exaggeration. They'd never have afforded it for a start!

'You don't have to down it Melissa,' Ralph told her, 'It's just a little ritual me and Bert have.'

'No, it's Ok, I want to' she said. _I really don't!_ said the voice in her mind. Determinedly she took hold the glass and began to drink. Turned out she quite liked Fox ale too, but it was a little strong to drink in this fashion. She had known she wouldn't make it in one, she had to surface for air twice before the glass was empty. When she had finished her two companions placed one hand on each of her shoulders. They looked into her face with a serious expression, then looked at each other, then looked back at her.

'Welcome to the family.' They said together. Then they smiled and laughed and she smiled with them. She had felt welcome ever since joining the cast, but she knew this was a turning point. She was no longer just welcome, she was one of them.

Bert bounced off saying 'same again!' before Melissa could change her order. While he was gone Ralph said, 'Don't worry, the second pint is much slower. We just get the first one down that way, and then we drink a bit more sensibly.'

Melissa hoped he was right as she could already feel the alcohol moving though her. She wasn't used to its effects and knew she had a fairly low tolerance for it.

When Bert came back she relaxed a bit more as it turned out they really did slow right down. They sat and talked about the show and about the other people in it. They talked about the raccoon that played Melissa in the specials and how off stage she was really high and mighty. No-one had really liked her much. They were onto their third drink now and they were starting to get that warm and fuzzy feeling where everyone is your best friend. They talked about how much better Melissa fitted in with them, and how the crew and everyone really liked her.

There was the real danger of things getting soppy when the mood was interrupted by a bunch of rowdy foxes that came in and started causing a major party on the dance floor. One of them stopped her dancing long enough to wave an acknowledgment to the raccoon table and Ralph raised his glass in response.

'Who's that?' Melissa asked, noticing how attractive the female fox was.

'That's Vixen. We met at an audition for the 'Animals of Farthing Wood'.' Ralph told her.

'Wow, you were in that? I heard it was a really good film!'

'Nah. I was good enough to get the part, but they still turned me down. Apparently they only wanted animals 'native to the UK'. I mean that's…well…it must be speciest or something!'

'Yeah, Ralph was really bitter about that. Hey Ralph, what did you say her name was? Vixen? She's looks nice Ralph, what's she like?'

The three of them looked over at her and she was dancing very flirtatiously with one of the male foxes from her group. She was a good dancer; taking every opportunity the fast track music gave her to make suggestive moves with her body, even using flicks or strokes of her tail to entice the male.

'She's just your type Bert.' Ralph asserted bringing his attention back to the table.

'And who said I was interested?' he asked defensively

'You're always interested,' a sly smile crept between the two of them.

'Perhaps she's why you were so disappointed not to get the part?' Melissa added suggestively, trying to probe information from Ralph.

'Nah.' Ralph dismissed it, 'it was a good part but it wasn't everything. Mind you I do get annoyed about the whole speciest thing. There's hardly any TV work for Raccoons these days. If you want to get ahead you need to be a monkey, then you get selected as the annoying sidekick loads.'

'Not to mention the pirate movies' Bert added.

'Schaeffer seems to be doing alright.' Melissa observed 'Holiday home in Spain, doesn't sound bad.'

'Yeah, he deserves it. Good man, Schaeffer. Dogs get loads of work too. Everyone loves a dog in their film. Who wants a Raccoon as the friendly family pet?'

The conversation went on and Melissa learnt a great deal of her two new friends. She hung on Ralph's every word and found herself captivated by him. She kept trying to pull herself out of it, reminding herself that despite it all she had still only known him for a week or two. Reminded herself not to be too hasty. She started making a list in her mind of his bad points and good points. In her bad points she had 'He smokes' and nothing else. In the good section she found there were too many points for her to remember them all. She'd even added to the good points 'she likes a challenge' referring to the challenge of getting him to stop smoking.

Bert came back to the table with the fifth round of the evening and Melissa was finding the room was starting to swirl. She speculated that Bert and Ralph were starting to show the effects too, so perhaps she wasn't doing as badly as she had thought. Her liking of the Fox ale was growing, or was she just getting drunker?

Bert opened his hand in the middle of the table, revealing three white pills standing out against the black of his paw. He gave the others a conspiratorial wink as he swallowed one.

'Ideal!' Ralph said with a slight slur, and swallowed the second tablet. The third one came to Melissa but she shook her head fervently, horrified at what they'd done.

'Come on Mel! It's just a couple of E's. I'd reckon pretty much everyone in the rooms got one flowing round 'em. Get's you in the mood for a party.' Bert said holding out his palm for her.

Melissa still silently refused, unable to find words to refuse with. It looked like Bert was going to speak again, but Ralph spoke for her.

'Bert, don't pressurise her! You know we've done this stuff before, but it's a very personal decision. If she says no the first time then that's your answer.' His voice remained calm all the way through, and Melissa in her alcohol filled condition felt as though some act of great chivalry had just occurred. Bert nodded solemnly and gave Melissa a genuine apology before slipping the pill back into his own pocket. Then he tapped Ralph on the arm and said 'don't wait up buddy, I could be gone all night.' And with that Bert went for the dance floor. The other two laughed as he made a beeline for Vixen and quickly displaced the male fox as her dance partner. The other fox stopped dancing and stalked off looking thwarted, probably to order himself some beer and get drunk enough to forget the whole thing.

Once Bert left the table Ralph spat out a white tablet into an empty glass.

He smiled at Melissa, 'You'll have to forgive Bert, he doesn't know when to stop sometimes.'

'You didn't take it?' Melissa asked incredulously.

'No, I took one once and had a good time, but it's a risk every time you take one. That's why Bert loves them. Personally I like to have fun while staying safe'

'Why didn't you just say no?'

'And have Bert the nutcase know? No way! I can't let him think he's the only party animal in town, he'd become unstoppable! Not to mention that he'd say I'd lost my bottle.'

Melissa giggled at this 'Sounds like whoever cast you in the Raccoons did a really good job.' Ralph laughed too. They took their drink a lot slower without Bert there and had a fairly long and cosy talk. Melissa tried to steer the conversation towards ex-girlfriends he may have had, trying to politely find out if he was available without asking the trademark 'So are you seeing anyone?' that would automatically alert him that she was interested and left her vulnerable to rejection. It wasn't a risk to take at this stage, she needed to keep playing with words for a while yet. But he seemed fairly closed on the subject of past loves, either that or he just didn't have a history of ex's. During their conversation Melissa saw Bert over Ralph's shoulder. He had an arm draped around Vixens shoulders and he seemed to be talking to someone else who was hidden from view by the crowd. He seemed to be trying to persuade them into something, and kept making encouraging movements.

A short while later Bert left Vixen at the bar and came over half leading, half dragging the confused and embarrassed meerkat Simon.

'Hey guys! Look who I found! It's Simon the camerameerkat!'

'Hi.' He said quietly, cheeks turning a bright red. 'Hi Ralph, hi Melissa.' he started to breathe a little faster.

The two returned his clumsy greetings. Simon turned to Bert and said 'well, Bert, I'd best be going now.'

'Nonsense you can stay for one little drink.' Bert assured him and putting his hands on his shoulders pushed him into his old seat.

They all sat in an awkward silence for a while. Then Simon seemed to take a breath and said all in one go 'I thought you looked really good on the set today Melissa especially when you got angry ha ha.' The nervous laugh at the end caught in his throat and may have been the only thing that ended his sentence.

'Er, I'll leave you guys to it.' Bert said, and just as he was leaving added 'Er, I think Vixen would like to say hi to you Ralph, you coming?'

'Really?' Ralph asked, 'I barely spoke to her at the audition.'

Bert elbowed him in the ribs, doing his best to be subtle. Ralph gave an 'ow' followed by an 'oh' of understanding before getting up and leaving Melissa alone with Simon.

She smiled at him and he smiled back. They both sat silently. She took a sip of her ale. The night dragged on. _Gee, thanks Bert._ She thought.


	3. The Night Drags On

**The Backstage Raccoons Chapter 3**

Written By Brother Ralph

Some time later Melissa found herself sat with her legs crossed at the bar with Simon. They were at least talking now, but he was still awkward and nervous. What Bert had said was true, he was a nice guy, just no confidence at all.

'So where do you live then Simon?' she asked, kindly trying to take him somewhere mundane to find his footing in.

'Well, er, at the moment I live with my parents.' _Textbook_ Melissa thought, 'And my Aunt and Uncle, and my 19 brothers and sisters and 14 cousins.'

Melissa was just stunned by this, and rather than think of something to say she let him continue.

'It's kind of the meerkat way you see, we don't actually venture out of the family group unless we want to set up on our own.' He explained. It explained why he wasn't comfortable trying to face the world alone.

When she didn't say anything to this Simon became worried that the silence was going to return a desperately flung out, 'So are you…er…seeing anyone at the moment?'

Her heart went out to him as it was clear he had no experience of talking to women. Or anybody else for that matter. The poor thing was in a situation here and he just didn't know what to do. He was getting himself into a state of panic. Bert had pushed him into a corner and although Bert may do things this way it just doesn't suit some people. She decided that the kindest thing to do would be to give him the opportunity to escape.

'You know Simon, I'm just going to pop to the loo.' As she had suspected a wave of relief hit the frightened meerkats face and he may even have stopped sweating. As she left without turning back she wondered how long after she went round the corner he'd wait before getting off of the stool and making a run for the door. About thirty seconds was her guess.

When she got into the toilets she found there was only one cubicle that wasn't out of order, and it was currently in use. Looked like the people who ran the club had just rushed to get one toilet running so they could open the club tonight. While she was waiting Melissa started washing her face and using the basin to support her weight. Now that she was standing she realised she was drunker than she had realised. From inside the cubicle there came a noise a little like someone in pain. Melissa straightened up and listened. The noise came again but more violently this time.

'Are you OK in there?' she asked hesitantly, having to concentrate on forming her words properly.

There was some heavy breathing that was eventually followed by 'yes…er…thank you…I'm fine.'

Melissa remained quiet as a few moments passed until the cubicle door opened. A very tall raccoon walked out and past her without acknowledging her at all. Melissa went to go past and into the cubicle when a second raccoon, Ralph, came out.

'Ralph!? What are you doing in here?' she asked without thinking.

He gave an embarrassed smile and looked at the floor. Melissa looked back between him and the tall raccoon. 'Oh' she said sadly.

'er, Melissa this is Lisa, she's looking to be involved with The Raccoons in the next couple of years or so. Erm, I'll leave you girls to get acquainted.' He abruptly left the women's toilets, nearly falling twice on his way out and apologising to the walls as he walked into them. Looked like Bert was getting him drunk, and fast.

'Hi! I'm Lisa!' she introduced herself and extended a hand to Melissa. She felt like spitting on it, or better still throwing up on it, but instead she took it and said.

'Oh, hi there. I'm Melissa!' for a while she thought the conversation would end there. Unfortunately Lisa gave a sickly sweet smile and said 'When you're done in here we'll have a little chat. Ralph's been telling me about you and how nice you are. I'll just be by the bar.'

Melissa locked herself into the cubicle and sat on top of the seat trying to think through the drink. _Just your luck Melissa. You're going to really wish you'd stuck with Simon._

That original prediction turned out to be correct. Talking to Lisa was a nightmare. Now that Melissa was ordering her own drinks she was onto dry white wine and she sat nursing it slowly while listening to Lisa babble on about how hard she'd tried to be in the show and how she'd auditioned for Melissa's part but had been turned down.

'I just couldn't understand it,' she said in what Melissa suspected was a put on posh accent, 'I wanted to play the lead female so much and put in so much work for it. I even went to singing lessons. Do you sing Melissa?'

'No' she replied blandly, hoping that short answers might kill the conversation.

'You know the Raccoon that played Melissa in the specials could sing. She sang most of the songs for the specials. I thought that was an indication that the directors wanted the leading role to be a singer. So I learnt to sing.'

'oh, I see' Melissa gazed into her wine wondering if she could drown herself in what she had left or whether she'd have to buy another round.

'But never mind, they gave the part to you and I'm sure they had wonderful reasons for doing it.'

'Perhaps because my name is the same as the characters?' Melissa smiled for the first time since Ralph had left the table.

Lisa looked confused. 'Erm, no dear I think you'll find the characters on the show are named after the actors, not the other way around,' Melissa sighed inwardly. It had been an attempt at a joke but obviously her audience didn't have any idea what that was so she gave up on being funny. _This girls mind holds thought about as well as a sieve holds water! _She thought to herself.

'They are working on a new character for me to play. She doesn't appear in the series for absolutely aaaaages! But I don't mind as long as I get there in the end. They want me to sing Run with Us too.' Lisa continued.

'Really? You must be very proud.' Melissa said with the slightest hint of sarcasm. Lisa didn't notice it though.

'Oh yes I am Melissa. I've won awards for acting and awards for singing but it's all been to get onto the Raccoons! Now my dream may one day come true.' She said theatrically. She leaned into Melissa conspiratorially and whispered 'But I'd still rather be Ralph's wife.' She tilted her head back and laughed in a much too exaggerated way. 'In the show of course! Ha-ha, only in the show. No, I couldn't possibly be tied down just yet in real life. I'm in the prime of my youth, I'm fit and attractive, and I've got money to burn. It's time for fun! But what about you Melissa, you must be looking to settle down soon, hmm? Biological clock must be ticking and all that.'

Melissa was horrified! She was 25 for goodness sake, you don't start worrying (or even talking about worrying) about biological clocks at 25! Feeling depressed at what age Lisa must have assumed her to be she ordered another white wine. Lisa placed a hand gently on Melissa's forearm.

'Er, Melissa darling don't you think you may have had enough?' _It's not to drink, it's to throw on you_! Melissa would have stayed and fought her own corner, but at that moment she noticed Bert trying to get her attention at the exit. He was virtually holding Ralph up, and they were signalling that they were about to leave.

Melissa decided to hold the peace…for now. She forced herself to smile at Lisa and said, 'You know what, I think you're right. I don't feel so good anyway. I think I'll go home now and sleep it off, nice talking to you.'

Lisa nodded appreciatively. 'I look forwards to working with you, Melissa. And with Ralph.' After this she giggled and Melissa left her to her drink, resisting the urge to wrestle her to the ground and throttle her.

After collecting the three coats that the boys had forgotten, she followed Bert and Ralph who had walked out when they saw she was on her way. It was true she'd only been away from them for about 45 minutes but she still felt like they'd abandoned her, even though she knew Bert only meant well with Simon.

When they got outside the chilly wind blew against her again and she hastily put her coat on. She also handed Bert his coat and tried to help him drape Ralph's round him. Ralph was giggling insanely at nothing, somehow finding the way he moved his own feet to be amusing.

'For goodness sake Bert! How much have you let him drink?'

'He wasn't with us half the time. He went off with some girl raccoon and then came back like this. I've never seen him lose his hold completely like this.'

Finally Schaeffer came over to give some well needed help. He held Ralph up with one hand and shook his head disapprovingly of the group. 'You lot are a mess!' he cried.

He would have given a lecture there and then about the responsibilities of drinking if it hadn't been for a bear trying to get into the club at that moment.

Schaeffer stopped him as he was clearly as drunk as the Raccoons.

'Hey there mate, I think you'd best go home. And that goes for you lot too'.

'ere, don't tell me what to fockin do aright mate?' the bear said. He was wearing a hoody that had concealed his face but now they saw him they realised he was bright yellow!

Bert started to laugh. 'ha ha! No way! Ha, it can't be!'

The yellow bear pulled his hoody off and revealed himself to be funshine bear who was in the care bears, filmed in the studio right next to their own!

'Oh yeh, fink it's fockin funny do ya? Fockin lafin at me fer 'avin a good time are ya?' he asked with aggression and pushed Bert. The bear was at least the size of Schaeffer and easily bowled the drunken Raccoon over, sprawling him into the road.

Ralph got out of Schaeffer's grip and grabbed the bear from behind. It was too strong for him and threw him off with a backhanded swing that caught him across the side off the head. He fell to the floor slowly, using the wall for support and Melissa rushed over to him. She put her hands on his back and told him to stay still, not sure what to do. The bear was hurting her friends and she was too frightened and uncertain to do anything about it. By now Schaeffer had the bear in an armlock and held him against the wall until he calmed down. Bert stood up and Ralph slowly regained consciousness, though he still seemed not to know what was going on.

Schaeffer released the bear when he thought it was all over.

The bear was clearly drunk and was babbling about the atrocities of the world and how politics was stopping things working the way they should.

'You know, it ain't fockin rockit science is it? Ya know, it's like, life innit. It's, you know, this is real life and it's like, fockin, not like our fockin cartoons where everyfins like, you know, better. This is fockin real and it's like shit intit.'

Schaeffer put a hand on his shoulder and said diplomatically 'Come on now mate, I think it's been a long night for all of us. Why don't we all just go home, eh?'

Ralph was lying on his back now, not trying to get up. Instead he was just stretching a hand towards Melissa's face. He stroked her fur just below the eye and looked at her critically. Melissa smiled at him and said something that sounded far far away to him. Whatever it was it probably wasn't important.

'You've got a funny nose!' he thought he heard himself say. Melissa's smile faded. What? Had he said something wrong?

_Biological Clock and a funny nose! That's how people are seeing you Melissa!_ she thought to herself angrily. _I bet they didn't think that about Lisa. Miss perfect. No, I bet Ralph didn't say her nose was funny!_ She ranted to herself. Outwardly however, she remained placid and watched the bear carefully just in case he became violent again.

The bear was starting to be guided away by Schaeffer now. Unfortunately as he was walking away he turned back to face Bert again and shouted.

'You Raccoons are fockin easy to knock down though intya? Bunch of poofters or what?'

The next few things happened so fast that Melissa could barely take them in let alone prevent them. The funshine bear turned away from them and was walking away. Bert charged at him from behind and leapt onto him, and a police dog car pulled round the corner. As Bert and the bear started scrapping Bert got a few good punches in, but the bear wasn't taking much notice off them. He far outmatched Bert but was large, slow and clumsy and couldn't get many good impacts. It was only a matter of time before he would hit and do the brave Raccoon some serious damage.

Melissa was relieved when the two police dog Alsatians got out of their car and with some backup from Schaeffer managed to pin down the two combatants. The three dogs were all of good builds and good strength, and they all looked trained in the art of pinning people to hard surfaces without actually hurting them. Another thing in their favour was of course that they were sober, a luxury the two offenders didn't have.

The dogs told them both that they were under arrest. Melissa and Schaeffer both started trying to talk the police dogs out of it, but they were adamant that a law had been broken and must be dealt with properly. At that point the two were searched, and the dog holding Bert pulled a white tablet out of his sweater pocket.

'Excuse me sir, but may I ask what this is?' He asked in a rather stereotypical policeman accent. Bert looked at it dumbly, a look of shock on his face. It hadn't meant to be like this. It was meant to be one each, one fun night and then no evidence in the morning. He wasn't supposed to be caught with it like this!

'Shall I take your silence to mean it is an illegal substance sir?' The dog said sliding the pill carefully into a plastic wallet.

Schaeffer put his paws over his eyes and Melissa heard him quietly say 'Bert, you bloody idiot.'

Both the bear and Bert were bundled into the police dog car and they drove off, leaving Melissa standing over Ralph. He just lay there grinning at her.

'Melissa? Isat you?' he managed to garble through a mouth that stank of ale. She imagined him and Lisa together in a grubby cubicle and wondered how he'd let it happen. Suppressing the urge to kick him, she helped him up and started leading him towards his house.

'Do you need some help there Melissa?' Schaeffer asked kindly

'No thanks.' She called over her shoulder as she hoisted Ralph's arm across her back.

'Are you sure? I can…'

'I said no thanks Schaeffer' she knew she snapped at him and that he hadn't deserved it. She'd just had a long night and had had enough. Tomorrow her head would be clear of the drink and she'd be able to think clearly. Perhaps then she'd be able to work on a way to get her friends out of the trouble they'd got themselves into.


	4. Morning Dawns

**The Backstage Raccoons Chapter 4**

Written by Brother Ralph

Melissa woke up after a cold night on a sofa. She hadn't really slept, rather lay there watching the night shifting slowly into day. She felt her head pounding with the aftermath of the previous night and was thankful she'd stopped when she had. She was in Ralph's flat, and as she started coming round more fully she remembered glimpses of their journey from the club to here. She had been drunker than she realised and Ralph had barely been able to stand. She remembered half carrying him through the door and throwing him onto a bed. Standing up she moved slowly and stooped knowing that straightening up would send stabbing pains into the space behind her eyes. When she reached the bedroom doorway she saw Ralph lounged half on the bed, exactly where she left him.

As her shadow cast across him he jerked into wakefulness and then raised his hands to his temple. Obviously he was in much the same state as she was.

'Well, I guess we deserve this.' She said.

'Melissa?' he sounded surprised and opened his eyes. He seemed to take a few moments looking at her and looking round the room at the dishevelled bedding. After a few moments his eyes widened and he asked a little fearfully, 'Did we…er…well…did we, you know…'

'No!' Melissa exclaimed and winced at her own loudness. Leaning against the doorpost for support she explained more softly, as much for her own sake as his 'No, of course we didn't. It was all I could manage to get you to the bed; you were in no fit state for anything else.'

Ralph gave a sly smile at this, 'awww, you must have been so disappointed.'

Melissa snorted at him and walked away, leaving him alone in the darkened room. He stopped smiling, a little confused. She'd always seemed quite interested in flirting before. Perhaps it was the hangover, he reasoned with himself.

Ralph finally managed to drag himself out of bed and pull on some fresh clothes, and when he eventually emerged from his room Melissa was sat at his dinner table drinking a cup of strong coffee. There was one for him on the opposite side of the table and he sat down with it gratefully. Her expression seemed annoyed, perhaps with a tinge of anger mixed in, and Ralph started to think perhaps there was a bit more to this than just the hangover.

'Erm…are you alright Melissa?' he asked carefully, trying to sound as casual as possible.

She glared at him and if looks could kill Ralph would have been totally obliterated right there and then. She didn't say anything and let Ralph squirm under her gaze for a moment.

'Melissa? Did something happen last night? I can't remember much of it.' He continued innocently.

Melissa drank the rest of her coffee, disregarding how hot it was. She really felt like giving him a good slap, but she kept reminding herself he hadn't cheated on her because they weren't actually together.

She looked away from him, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. 'I'm going to take a shower. That club has made me stink of smoke and I don't have a change of clothes with me.' She left the table and turned away from him quickly and he watched her retreat to the bathroom in silence. He wanted to say something like 'can I come too?' but she didn't seem in the mood for joking around, especially not jokes like that. When the door closed and he heard the catch slide back he suddenly felt a pang of loss, and worried to himself that this great new friend he'd made just a few weeks ago might be slipping away from him.

Behind the locked door Melissa stood looking at herself in the mirror. She'd managed to turn away from the table fast enough that he hadn't seen the tears that had welled involuntarily from her eyes and run down through her fur. _Pull yourself together girl! You thought he was different and he wasn't, big deal; don't let him do this to you!_ She thought to herself viciously, turning her anger against the other emotions battling for dominance within her.

Wiping the tears off her face she undressed and considered her nakedness in the full length mirror Ralph had put across most of the wall. She turned side on and stood as tall as she could breathing in as she did so. She placed a hand on her back and one on her abdomen and increased a little pressure on herself, pushing her tummy inwards about half an inch and adding a curve to her back. She still wasn't as tall as Lisa, or as slim.

Melissa relaxed and stood straight on to the mirror. The reflection staring back at her seemed painfully honest with the bulge of her wide hips and relatively short legs, accompanied by the knowledge that she could do nothing about those. _Chubby little short girl_ her mind insulted her own body.

She turned away from the mirror in disgust and had her shower trying to think of nothing at all. On the small shower shelf she found a small horde of beauty products including skin moisturiser, fur softener, papaya scent and a shampoo for dry or damaged tails. She couldn't help but giggle to herself. There were more accessories here than in her own bathroom. At the moment she was angry with Ralph and didn't want to speak to him unless she had to, but she made a mental note to take the mick out of him for this later.

Outside Ralph was oblivious to the investigations of his friend, and was desperately trying to find clues as to what might have happened the night before to cause a rift between them. He had searched through his pockets and found nothing but an empty pack of cigarettes. It was a shame, he could have done with one of those round about now.

When he heard the shower turn on and was confident he had a few minutes before Melissa would be out he went to the phone and dialled Bert's number. He had to find out what was going on. It rang a few times and then made a clicking noise.

'Hello?' came Bert's voice.

'Hi Bert. I need to…' Ralph started but then was interrupted by Bert's uncontrollable laugh.

'Ha ha ha ha! Got you again! This is an answering machine! If you want to leave a message for the real Bert you'd best do so after the beep.' The message was quickly followed by a loud electronic beep. The message had been funny the first few times but these days it wore on Ralph's patience, especially as it caught him out pretty much every time.

'Bert, where have you got to? Listen buddy if you're there I need to talk to you.' Ralph waited for a moment hoping that someone would pick up. When he was answered by nothing but silence he said 'Look, I don't know what happened last night, but whatever it was you've gotta tell me as soon as you get this. Melissa is seriously pissed off and I…well…you know how I've felt about her ever since we met her. Geez man, I don't think I could have blown this more with a lorry load of C4! I'll see you later mate.' with this he hung up, a little confused as to why Bert wasn't home. Wondering whether the outgoing Raccoon had spent the night at the Vixen's house he turned back to his own troubles. For now he'd have to play things by ear and he'd start making up for his unknown mistake by making her a breakfast, noticing time stopped for no-one and they both needed to get to the studio in an hour or so.

After making a fried breakfast he sat down to wait for her. When she did come out of the bathroom she dashed across the room from the bathroom to his bedroom wearing nothing but a towel draped around her and her fur still damp and ruffled. Ralph couldn't tear his eyes away from her as she flitted across the apartment saying

'Ralph I'm going to borrow some of your clothes, mine smell of the club.' She felt rather than saw him staring at her as she went past. She was ashamed of how she looked and escaped out of his sight as quickly as she could wondering if there was anything in particular that had held his judgemental gaze or if it was just a general distaste for her shape. Her assumptions couldn't have been more wrong though, as out in the kitchen Ralph let out a long breath of air and concluded she was intentionally enticing him. She must be trying to show that she was a prize any man would be glad to have, and Ralph was no exception. He was still contemplating this when she came back into the main room wearing a shirt of his. She sat down and ate in silence, never thanking him for the breakfast or acknowledging his presence. Ralph thought he felt something very delicate shatter deep within his chest, but he didn't let it show and maintained the torturous silence. Ralph had learnt over the years that if a woman doesn't want to talk to you, it's best not to try. Let her calm down and speak to you in her own time.

The situation was so awkward that when the doorbell rang Ralph sprang up.

'I'll get it!' he cried, trying to break though this cold and icy wall between them.

When he opened the door he found Schaeffer in the hallway.

'Schaeffer! Hi, come in, join the fun.' He said the last bit under his breath.

'You look terrible Ralph! You three need to slow it down in the evenings! You were lucky only Bert was arrested, those police dogs could have picked you all up for the disturbances you caused!'

The two raccoons froze and Melissa dropped her fork loudly onto the plate.

'Bert was arrested?' they asked in unison.

Schaeffer shook his head at them. 'How much had you two drunk, guys? I'm surprised you made it home at all! Bert was taken to the police station for fighting and possession of drugs!'

Melissa put her head into her paws as she remembered more glimpses of the previous night. 'Yes, I remember, he fought with a bear.'

'A bear!?' Ralph sounded shocked 'we've only got an hour gang, let's get down to the police station and see what we can do for him.' The two raccoons quickly picked up their coats and hurried out, Melissa cursing Bert's foolishness.


	5. Police Dogs United

**The Backstage Raccoons Chapter 5**

Written by Brother Ralph

The journey to the police dog station in Schaeffer's car was silent and awkward with Ralph and Melissa staring determinedly out of their respective windows. Schaeffer seemed to notice that they weren't in the mood for discussing what exactly happened last night so he too remained quiet. Ralph wished she could just punch and kick him rather than this slow torture she was inflicting upon him. Of course Melissa's silence was not intended to hurt him; it was just that she had no idea how to talk to him after what happened last night. Over the past few weeks she had thought that he was interested in her, and now every time she spoke to him she wondered if his kindness and sensitivity was just an act. She preferred to stay silent for now.

It was a relief for all of them when they finally arrived at the police dog station. Schaeffer stayed behind to lock the car while the raccoons rushed through the door. Behind the front desk was one of the police dogs they had met last night.

'Ahh…I wondered when we might see you two here.' He said politely, 'cleaned yourselves up a bit have you?'

Melissa looked down at the floor a little embarrassed. She'd never been in any trouble with the police before and the way the dog had said that had sounded quite disapproving.

'Is our friend still here?' Ralph asked impatiently.

'Yep, we put him and the other one in a holding cell 'till they calmed down. He's in quite a mess you know…you youngsters should try to look out for each other a bit more. Still, I guess you weren't in top condition yourself.'

'Alright, alright, I know we went a bit overboard last night but there was no harm done!' Ralph defended himself indignantly, 'We were just having a bit of fun.'

'Hmm,' the dog seemed to consider something, 'well I hope you enjoyed yourselves last night, your friend might not be going anywhere soon. Maybe if it was just the fighting it would be alright but he had drugs in his possession so we'll have to charge him. I'll take you to see him.'

Walking down the dingy corridor of holding cells was depressing and Melissa felt the walls had been built just slightly too close together for her liking. These walls would be a terrible fate for a spirit as free as Bert's. They had to get him out or he'd go mad in captivity. When they arrived at Bert's cell and peered in at him they realized that he looked probably how they had this morning.

'Bert! How are you buddy?' Ralph asked, concern filling his voice.

'Ralph! Melissa! Boy am I glad to see you guys. What am I doing in here?' he leapt up and came to the door.

'You had a fight and they found the E in your pocket.' Melissa said, and tears welled in her eyes 'If only I'd taken it you wouldn't be in so much trouble.'

Bert took her hand through the bars and looked honestly into her eyes, 'hey, Melissa this is not your fault. How could it be? You were the sensible one not taking it, it's me who's the idiot having it in the first place.'

'It's pretty bad this time Bert. They're going to charge you with possession.'

'Something will come up for us. Come on, we're the good guys! Something always comes up doesn't it?' Bert laughed nervously.

Ralph and Melissa just looked at him sadly, both trying to think their way out of an impossible situation.

The police dog led them back towards the main entrance but on the way they passed the cell with the funshine bear in it. He hadn't calmed down at all; in fact he was more wound up than ever. He was shouting curses and kicking the door, telling the police he'd kill them when he got out of here. The policedog shook his head and said to the raccoons,

'You know there is something wrong with our system. A guy like your friend is caught once doing something he shouldn't have and faces charges. It's his first time in trouble but he could go down for it. And then there's scum like that in here who we can't charge. He's a real thug that bear; see him almost every night. Unfortunately we never get hard evidence to charge him with, so he's always back on the streets within twenty-four hours.'

'Isn't there anything we can do for our friend?' Melissa pressed sincerely.

'You can stand up in court and give him a character witness. Maybe the jury will listen to a pretty face, but beyond that nothing.'

When they got back out into the main entrance room Schaeffer was standing facing them.

'Tony!' he said cried upon seeing the dog.

'Schaeffer? Hey buddy! What can I help you with?' the dog asked, obviously recognising the great sheepdog.

'That raccoon you brought in is a friend of mine'

The policedog looked at the floor. 'ah, well like I said to these two there's not much I can do about that.'

Schaeffer nudged him in the ribs, 'Come on old pal. Don't you remember the old days? We were on the wrong side of the tracks all the time at dog camp. One E hardly makes him deserve prison and you know it. They're just stupid kids messing around.'

Melissa and Ralph exchanged looks, confused not only at how Schaeffer knew the police dog so well, but also at the idea of Schaeffer on the wrong side of the tracks. Schaeffer was the most law abiding person you could ever meet but now that they thought about it they'd never really known much about Schaeffer's past.

The police dog looked very uncomfortable. 'Well, I know. It's wrong. We've had our fair share of crazy nights out haven't we? But what can I do? The evidence has been submitted and logged in, I'd lose my job if I just threw it away.'

Schaeffer nodding understandingly. 'How about we talk privately? See if we can't work something out huh? Just one dog to another.' he turned to the stunned pair and said 'You two wait outside. I'll see what I can work out.'

Melissa and Ralph sat on the steps outside the station. Schaeffer's welcome assistance had come as a surprise to both of them.

'I guess they know each other from him being a bouncer.' Melissa asserted quietly.

'Yeah, well however they know each other I hope that dog listens to him. Otherwise we may be using that pretty face of yours on the jury after all.' Ralph said.

'What with this 'funny nose'?' she retorted bitterly. He didn't understand her comment, but he couldn't think of anything to say to it so he let it go.

They were only outside for a quarter of an hour when the doors opened and Schaeffer came out. They jumped up to him and peppered him with questions.

Everything they asked was answered when Bert emerged from the doors just a few seconds later.

'Bert!' they cried together. Melissa rushed to give him a hug, and Ralph patted him on the shoulder.

'Aww, did ya miss me?' he joked.

'Not one bit.' Ralph said immediately

'Of course we did!' Melissa shot Ralph an icy look. 'How did you do it Schaeffer?'

'Well, Tony is an old friend of mine. We went to the same all dogs school together, I grew up from a pup with him. He wasn't happy about it but we managed to find a way of getting Bert out without endangering his job. Still, best not to mention it though.'

'Why?'

'Just trust me Melissa, let's not say anything more of it.'

The reunited gang were about to leave when the producer of the show pulled up beside them in his car. He got out with a look of fury on his face.

'Hey! You lot! I've heard two of my actors have been arrested! Who's in there?'

'Two sir?' Schaeffer asked in mock confusion, 'No, only one. Funshine bear was arrested, that's all.'

'Really? They said on the phone he was in a fight with someone from the Raccoons cast.' The gang all gave blank expression and shook their heads. The producer continued a little less angrily 'Oh…well OK. You guys go back to the studio, I'll see if I can clear any of this up. If I can't sort something out I'll have to advertise for a new funshine bear!'

The gang got into Schaeffers car and drove off towards the studio leaving the producer alone. He went into the station and demanded that the bear be released immediately. The dog behind the counter gave him a knowing smile and placed a packet with a white pill in it on the desk.

'I'm afraid it's a little more serious than that sir.'


	6. Filming with an Atmosphere

**The Backstage Raccoons Chapter 6**

Written by Brother Ralph

Back at the studio the recently reunited gang had been separated again to continue filming 'Going It Alone'. Bert and Ralph had met up with Cyril and the pigs to film the scene where Cyril tries to stop Bert getting up the mountain and Ralph is in pursuit. Meanwhile Melissa and Schaeffer are on the other side of the studio filming her scene getting him to help them. Schaeffer was lying down asleep outside the tent and next to a warm fire.

'….and….ACTION!' the director shouted.

Melissa ran onto the set from the right.

'Schaeffer.' She whispered, and then a little louder, 'Schaeffer, we need your help.'

Schaeffer woke up and turned his head to look at her. 'Melissa? What's wrong?' he asked

'It's Bert. He's gone off to climb…' Melissa line was cut off by Broo running out of the tent and licking jumping into her arms.

'No Broo!'

He took no noticed and yapped happily away while licking her face.

'CUT…cut.' The whole team sighed again. This was a short scene and should be taken in one shot but Broo had messed it up for the fourth time. 'Never work with children!' the director was as frustrated as everyone. Broo had taken a liking to Melissa and all he seemed interested in was jumping on her at every opportunity. That was when he wasn't barking during people's lines or running madly around the set.

One of the writers came in and whispered something to the director. He nodded in agreement and turned back to Melissa and Schaeffer.

'Alright, we'll try this again tomorrow. Hopefully the little brat won't be so wound up by then. The others are ready for you two to join them so I guess we'll crack on with filming that section.'

Melissa's heart sank a little, she'd been glad to spend some time away from Ralph. But she supposed she'd be working with him for a long time yet, so she'd best just learn to live with it.

When she came round the corner Bert and Ralph were relaxing with a pair of cigarettes waiting for her and Schaeffer.

'Hi Melissa. So…er…didn't finish that scene with Broo eh?' Bert asked, 'Heh. Don't worry about it. I can't tell you much difficulty we had with him in The Lost Star. It took us ages to film!'

'So which scene are we skipping to?' she asked, trying to keep things strictly work related so that she didn't have to think about any social problems they were having.

Ralph spoke from his chair without looking at her. 'We're going to the part with Bert's stunt double. Apparently he's going to fly up out of that crevice by holding onto a pink balloon with his mouth. Then one of the pigs is going to shoot it with a pea shooter and he's going to fly off towards the top of the mountain. They've got 8 camera's set up so we've only got one shot at this.' Melissa noted how depressed he looked and sounded. She felt guilty that she'd hurt him, but also blamed him for the whole situation.

She was even considering saying something encouraging to him, hopefully they'd still come out of this as friends. But at that point the director came over and said.

'Now team, this is the big shot of the episode. Everyone thinks Bert has plummeted to his death so you are all relieved to see him. More than relieved, overjoyed, I don't want anybody holding back. Oh and by the way we've changed the script slightly. When we do a close up of the three of you on the cliff edge there are no hi-fives anymore. Schaeffer, you're just celebrating and waving your arms while you two hug each other. We're going to practice it now so you know exactly what to do. We only get one chance to do the real thing so get into position and we'll how it looks first'

Bert watched amusedly as Ralph, Melissa and Schaeffer clambered up to the fake cliff edge, looking down into a camera.

The director watched from behind a screen. "Ok, Bert's just rising up on the balloon…and…ACTION!"

Schaeffer raised his arms and cheered and Ralph put his arms around Melissa, pulling her into himself happily. Melissa laid her hands awkwardly on his shoulders, keeping a small distance between their faces.

"CUT!" the director came striding over "No..no…no. Melissa and Ralph, what was that? Aren't you happy your best friend is alive? You have to look happy! Hug each other"

The pair stood awkwardly looking at each other.

The director looked impatient "well, come on hug each other!"

They put their arms on each others shoulders. Ralph gave her a nervous smile while her expression remained solemn.

The director merely glared at them in exasperation. "Oh…come on guys! Where's the passion! Stand closer to each other." He demanded and Melissa felt Ralph step into her personal space. The director came over to the two and put one hand in each of the smalls of their backs, pushing them gently together until their white tummy's pressed against each other. The director turned their heads sideways and pushed them close together so that the couples' cheeks rubbed, and repositioned the arms around each others waists. He perfected their position as you would manipulate a doll. "There…perfect. I want you to get into this position when you see Bert rising, so remember every detail. Do try to smile though Melissa."

The couple stepped apart again and Ralph nodded that they were ready "OK, got it this time."

The director jogged back behind the screen. "OK everyone…and…ACTION"

Schaeffer repeated his previous movement professionally, and Ralph pulled Melissa into a tight hug, mimicking his half of the position perfectly. Melissa remained standing rigid, her arms by her side, her lower lip trembling as she tried to force herself to be affectionate. If she couldn't be affectionate to Ralph she knew she'd lose her job too.

"CUT! Melissa! What's going on with you?!"

Melissa stood trembling, looking helplessly at the director. Ralph stood in front of her and looked honestly into her eyes. "Melissa…please…tell me what's wrong so I can fix it." He pleaded with her.

"I'm sorry I just need a few moments…" Melissa said through a sob and ran off-set towards the women's toilets, hoping no-one would try to follow her.

She ran into the nearest cubicle and threw the small bolt across. Melissa put the toilet lid down and sat on it, holding her heavy head in her hands she let herself cry. This part had been so perfect, she'd wanted to give her best performance, and now this stupid event was ruining everything.

From where she sat she heard the bathroom door open and close and someone padded slowly across the room. She stopped crying and sniffed loudly. 'Hello?' she called inquisitively.

'Are you OK?' came a male voice from the other side of the door.

'Yeah I'm fine.' She said, but there was a noticeable quiver in her voice.

'Why don't you tell me about it?' the voice came again. It wasn't Bert or Ralph, and Melissa really did need to talk to someone. Perhaps it was because she didn't know the owner of the voice, perhaps it was because she couldn't see him, but whatever it was she found she was able to talk to him.

She told him about the club, and about how she felt people were seeing her as unattractive. She opened up to him, telling him how people never truly wanted her, they were just acting.

"Melissa…that's not true at all. Lots of people want you…" there was a long pause "…I want you".

Melissa looked up confusedly. She sniffed again and got up, slowly sliding the bolt back and opening the door. As she glanced out she saw Simon…poor sweet Simon…leaning against the wall and blushing furiously at what he's just said through the door.

"You're beautiful Melissa" he said frankly "Everyone knows that, I don't know how you've come to think they don't. I know what Ralph did. I watched him stumbling into the bathroom with her while we talked. But Melissa, he was so drunk he didn't know what was happening. I don't think he wanted Lisa at all! I think he wanted you."

Melissa felt tears welling in her eyes, the gentle meercat obviously finding this conversation difficult, but continuing for her sake. She moved over to him gratefully, giving the embarrassed meercat a warm hug, drying her tears onto his soft fur. She smiled at him. "Thank you Simon"

Simon smiled back down, awkwardly glancing to the sides "Ha,ha…it was…er…it was nothing."

"Simon…I…"

"It's OK Melissa." He interrupted her "You don't have to say it. I know it's him you want, not me. I film you…watch you together. How happy you look in your scenes with him, how close you get to him offstage. When you're together…you just don't have to act like you love him, because you do. And I think you should forgive his drunken mistake."

Melissa winced at the meercats pained words, but they struck true. She wondered how obvious she had been, or whether Simon was just extra sensitive to these things. "Can we be friends Simon?" she asked, wondering if he'd rather not be near her after she was with another man. However the friendly crewman nodded and said simply "I'd like that very much"

Melissa stepped back from him, brushed herself down and straightened her pink tanktop. She dabbed her eyes and checked herself in the mirror. "Right. Let's film this scene." She said confidently, feeling her strength returning.

Simon nodded to her, pleased with her return of colour. As she turned to leave the bathroom he quietly informed her "Ralph looks at you the same way. Go for it girl".

Without turning back she smiled to herself

Melissa returned to the set and the director immediately got up to lecture her.

"Melissa…can you tell me…" but she silenced him with a wave of her paw.

"Never mind" she said "Let's film it" she clambered up the fake cliff and took her position between Schaeffer and Ralph. The director looked at her a little uncertainly .

"OK Melissa but try to concentrate this time. Perhaps if you get the practice right before the end of today we might be able to film the scene properly tomorrow!"

"No." Melissa cut in again. She looked at Ralph and smiled. He saw her and a warm glow of hope seemed to flow through him as he wondered to himself whether he could still bring her back into his friendship. "Film the real shot now" she asserted recklessly.

The director looked a little concerned at taking such a risk, but seeing the two raccoons smiling at each other confidently he wondered if he ould catch that look on film. It would be perfect. He paused for a moment, and then slowly said "…alright…we'll do the real scene. But you'd better not choke guys…this is an expensive shot to screw up!"

He signalled the stunt Bert to get into position, and he attached himself to the pink balloon offscreen, currently held down with ropes.

"Everyone ready? Well then…I guess…ACTION!"

The ropes were cut and the balloon began rising with the stunt double holding onto it.

"Look!" Ralph cried "It's Bert!" Schaeffer celebrated, and Ralph punched the air before turning to his onscreen wife for a hug. The director also punched the air silently in success as Melissa hugged her friend passionately back, a huge grin of delight on her face. The shot was perfect.

Cyril sneer snapped back into the camera view, and shouted "What! He's still coming? He must be a cat in a raccoon skin suit!" followed by a pig with "Allow me sir!" The pig fired a pea at the balloon and they all held their breaths as they waited for it to hit. The stunt was pulled off marvellously and Bert went spiralling up towards the mountain top, or at least in the direction that the team were going to simulate the mountain top graphics.

"and CUT! Brilliant! Excellent work again!" the director advanced clapping the team. "Well done you two. Brilliant acting" He said fondly as Ralph and Melissa hugged each other again happily.

Melissa shook her head "No sir…we weren't acting at all" and grinned childishly back at Ralph as she slipped her paw comfortingly into his, noting the confused expression on his face.


End file.
